Recalled to Life
by DORK DOG
Summary: "You have been saved from a most untimely death, Daughter of Eve." When a lonely, disabled young woman is transported to a new world after tragedy strikes, she is granted a second chance to start afresh with a new purpose and duty to a young king. Though demons of her past may tempt her, will she push all anxieties aside and allow her heart to be recalled to life? Caspian/OC
1. Chapter 1

**Greetings!**

 **This is an idea I've had bouncing about in my head lately, and I needed to get it out. I know there might be dozens of fics in this fandom similar to this, but I just wanted to write this one for fun so I could get the idea out of my head. For those who are currently reading my LotR fanfiction, I will not be abandoning it (I promise)**

 **I just need to clarify one thing right away- this story is a solid T for themes of depression and suicidal thoughts. This fic will be quite dark in the first initial chapters, and will be very AU, but I hope you all will stick with it until we get to the conclusion, for there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise.**

 **Now that we've got that out of the way, on to the tale of redemption! (The title is inspired by _A Tale of Two Cities_ )**

 **I don't own** _ **Chronicles of Narnia**_

* * *

 **Chapter One**

" _All get what they want; they do not always like it."_

C.S. Lewis, _The Chronicles of Narnia_

I slammed the door to my bedroom, not bothering on the light switch before crashing down onto my bed. Grabbing the ratty blanket folded at my feet, I wrapped my body within its warmth, kicking the worn sneakers and holed socks off of my feet and nudging them to the floor. A sigh escaped my lips as the shoes created a low thud when they made contact with the ground, and I rolled over to one side, staring in the direction of my nightstand while I allowed my eyes to adjust to the darkness.

 _Tonight, I will sleep in peace at last._

I had planned this night for the past month, orchestrating and preparing myself both physically and mentally for what I was going to achieve. What I did tonight was of my own choice. Nothing and no one had made this decision for me but myself, and I was entirely and irrevocably certain that what I was doing was the right thing- both for myself, and the rest of the earth. Reaching down into the drawer of the small table beside my bed, I pulled out several sheets of paper, and heard the rustling of crinkled documents. It was too dark in my bedroom to read the words scribbled across the pages, but I knew their intention and purpose, for I had carefully chosen each word to express my emotions for what I was to do this night. My step-father would find these documents beside my cold corpse tomorrow morning, and he would be in such a drunken stupor that he wouldn't even care that the daughter whom he had abused had taken her life into her own hands. It would merely mean that he had one less mouth to feed, for that was all I truly was. An inoperable obligation.

In the nearly nonexistent light, my eyes caught a glimpse of the parallel lines running up and down my forearm, branding me with the secret I had so struggled to keep over the past several months. Living in one of the hottest climates in North America had posed a major problem when it came to hiding my scars, but because of the lack of people close to me in my life, I managed to conceal the self-induced marks better than any other person would. As far as I knew, there wasn't a single soul on the earth who knew, or cared that I was a self-harmer, and that fact gave me a slight amount of relief.

The choice to inflict pain on myself had been made four months ago, after I had lost the only friend I had ever known to a severe car accident. Jessica was the person who built me up when I was at my lowest. She was my confidant, and the only individual who accepted my personality, strange quirks, and eccentricities, as well as my physical deformities.

When I was born, one of my legs had been twisted in an awkward direction, and as it turned out, the bones in the limb were out of whack, contorted so that my right leg was turned inward. Growing up, I had trouble walking and small amounts of strength in my limbs, and thus had never been able to play sports or dance as other children my age did. Throughout the entirety of my nearly-seventeen years, I was labeled a freak of nature- someone who could never amount to anything. The only people who ever saw past my disability were my childhood friend, Jessica, and my late mother, who passed away when I was twelve. Since her demise, my step father had taken to drinking constantly, barely supporting me. He was constantly struggling to pay bills for the two of us, and everything I owned was old, smelling like cigarettes and cheap beer, as did the rest of our apartment. Because of my disability, I couldn't work or provide for us, and therefore I could only sit at home alone when I wasn't in school- save for the rare occasions that Jessica would come by to cheer me up.

After the only friend I'd ever known passed away, I locked myself indoors, using pencil sharpener blades across my skin to distract my mind from the turmoil going on outside and inside my head. Tonight, the night before my seventeenth birthday, marked the four month anniversary since Jessica's passing. I knew in my heart that I couldn't live the rest of my life in this way- a freak who used pain as her only outlet. It was true that I had tried other methods which I looked up online- art, reading, even exercise. But nothing quenched the pain temporarily as well as self-harm, and I knew that I needed something to stop me. I didn't want to discontinue living- well, perhaps in a way I did. My ultimate desire was to cease the incessant pain in my mind. And I knew there was only one way to do that.

 _Tonight, I will sleep in peace at last._

Pulling out a bottle of painkillers which I had picked up at the corner drugstore, I twisted the cap open and felt the circular shapes of pills fall across my palm. I didn't bother to count them- for all I knew, there could be dozens.

 _I will be of better used to the world when I am no longer in it._

Something in the back of my mind pricked me, attempting to surface an old memory from my childhood- a reminder of happier times. Immediately, I shoved it as far away from my consciousness as possible. The times in my youth were long gone, and there was no longer any light or joy in my life. Only darkness and depression.

 _But that won't be the case now. It will be as though I never existed._

The pills slid down my throat, one by one. I didn't count them with each swig of the water bottle I took, but after several moments, my heartbeat slowed.

 _Please forgive me, mom, dad, and Jessica. God, if you're out there, I'm sorry for doing this. I hope you'll absolve me._

Those were my final thoughts before my world faded to darkness.

* * *

A diffused light filtered through my eyelids, accompanied by a sweet smelling breeze. Something soft lay beneath my body, and after several moments, my fingertips recognized the gently pointing blades to be grass under my skin.

 _Am I in heaven?_

Forcing my eyes open, I glimpsed a canopy of trees above my head, the leaves rustling gently in the wind. Their boughs were a deep emerald green, bolder and clearer than anything I had ever witnessed back home. Through the branches, a brilliant azure sky was peppered with fluffy white clouds, reminding me of the cotton candy I had indulged myself in as a child.

 _Free at last._

Sitting upwards, I heard something crunch beside me, and stared at my left hand. The bottle of pills sat in my palm, now half full, and the cap tightly shut. I was still dressed in the soft black yoga pants and black Captain America t-shirt I had been wearing when I… fell asleep. To make matters worse, my right foot was bent inwards, as it had remained my entire life. Red scars still peppered my bare arms, which I clutched close to my waist, breathing in hard.

"This isn't supposed to happen," I whispered aloud to no one in particular. "I thought I was supposed to be standing in front of a big golden gate, in a white robe!"

"That is because you have not yet passed, young one."

A jolt coursed through my body, and I bolted upwards onto my feet, pocketing the bottle of medicine before whirling around in each direction.

"Who's there?" I questioned the silent forest around me, fear digging its icy claws into my gut. "Come out, so I can see you!"

A warm breeze played with my hair from behind me, and I spun to face it, arms outstretched to keep my balance. Pain shot up my gimpy leg as I tried to twist it outwards, but to no avail. Stumbling backwards, I was met with a pair of large, golden eyes, and it was in that moment that I tumbled flat on to my bum.

The figure standing over me was a lion- a humungous, magnificent lion, like the one at the beginning of the MGM films that terrified me as a child. His mane was long and full, the color of chocolate and caramel swirled together, perfectly blending in with his tawny coat. For the initial five seconds of perceiving him, my mouth had fallen open into a perfect O shape, as I gawked and took in as much detail that I could of his majestic appearance.

When those five seconds had elapsed, I promptly scrambled backwards as hastily as I possibly could, instinct driving my movements. Unfortunately, I had vastly miscalculated my decision, and my body stopped hard at the base of a gnarled tree, the roots digging into my lower spine.

"It will do you no good to be frightened, little one," the voice verbalized yet again, and I realized in that moment that the jaw of the lion was moving in accordance with the cadence of the words.

"Are- are you… talking to me?" I queried, momentarily distracted from the fear lodged in my chest. _Now I know that I'm dead._

"Yes, the voice you hear is from me," the lion replied, his deep eyes softening.

"How is that possible?" I gripped the bark of the tree with my hands, slowly pulling myself upward from behind. "I mean, you're a lion! You shouldn't be speaking at all!"

"If I was not real, then you would not be standing before me," he countered, sitting back onto his haunches.

"Hold up- what do you mean by that?"

"You have been saved from a most untimely death, Daughter of Eve."

His words hit me hard, and I avert my gaze from those piercing golden eyes. "You mean I'm not… dead?"

"No, dear one," his voice is gentle and kind. "The choice you made in your world caused you to be brought to this one. You are not dead in the slightest. In contrast, you have been recalled to life."

I have no idea how to accept this news, so I just stand there in silence.

 _My plan didn't work. I haven't been freed from my horrifying existence, which is what I wanted all along. I have to live with the guilt and shame that my sixteen years have brought upon me- continuing to be a freak of nature for the rest of my life. And it's all this lion's fault- whoever he is. My life is mine to take, not his._

Blood boils in the pit of my stomach. "You didn't let me die when I wanted to? You had to keep me in this damned body that I've been cursed to live in my entire life? It's my choice whether I want to live or die- not yours! How dare you think that you can take my life from me?"

He doesn't respond, and simply stares at me with those huge, golden eyes. For a second, I feel ashamed for my outburst, and for insulting him like that. Whoever he may be, he must be a being of great power, if he was truly the cause of me being here.

But then again, I could have misjudged my dosage, and the pills could simply be giving me some pretty odd dreams while I was in a comatose state.

With a loud huff, I clumsily strode past the great tawny lion, trudging through the forest in my bare feet.

"Where are you going?" his voice inquiries from behind me.

"This is all just an elaborate dream," I refute, not bothering to look back. "I'm going to walk around until my brain is so exhausted that it has to wake up."

The lion doesn't respond, and I'm left to limp through the soft grass, alone. I have no idea how long I amble aimlessly, or where I'm even going. I try not even allow my mind to consider the lion's words.

 _Recalled to life._

"It's just a dream," I tell myself aloud. This time, I don't hear a reply, and that satisfies me. However, after several more minutes of wandering, pain suddenly shoots up my gimpy leg, and I keel over, and would have face planted into a patch of gravel, had my hands not instinctively shot outwards, breaking my fall- and pebbles breaking into my flesh.

"Just great," I mumble, pulling myself to my rump with some difficulty. Being chubby and un-athletic has absolutely no perks, particularly with a screwed up leg to and a tendency to fall constantly. I place my crippled limb out to one side, and it is in that moment that I realize I have fallen into a coarsely paved road.

Despite my tumble and bloody palms, I can't help but bark out a short laugh. "So this dream world has roads now, eh? It just keeps getting more and more complex. Ah, well. I'll wake up soon enough."

I begin to pluck small stones out of my hand, before remembering the bottle of painkillers in my pocket. Although this is a dream, the stinging sure does feel real, and I figure that if I get imaginary pain pills into my dream, perhaps I'll be able to wake up faster.

Reaching down, I feel around my pant leg for the familiar cylinder shape, only to come up emptyhanded.

"Crap."

My hands pat around the surrounding grass, desperate to find that bottle of pills. For a moment, I forget that this is a dream entirely, and I feel real, actual dread creep into my stomach, propelling my hands earnestly around the forest floor.  
"Come on, where did it go? My pockets aren't that shallow! It should be here somewhere. I know I-"

"Are you searching for this?"

I freeze in my tracks, fear crawling back into the pit of my stomach. The voice was different from that of the lion's- though still clearly male. This person sounded to be some sort of European, or at least, that was my guess considering the accented way he pronounced his words.

"Why yes, I was," my voice gains a sour tone of annoyance as I turn to face him. "Now if you'll excuse-"

The words fade on my tongue as I glimpse the figures standing before me, for if this was a dream, then those drugs must be incredibly powerful to conjure up something this lifelike in my mind. Standing above me are two men, one far younger than the other, though still quite close in appearance. Each have dark hair and eyes, with smooth olive skin and the guise of seasoned warriors. In their hands, they hold the reigns of tall, well-muscled steeds, each with medieval-type saddles, such as the type one would find at a stereotypical renaissance faire. Just as well, both men are clad in loose fitting garments, with high boots and swords strapped to their sides.

"You appear as though you have seen a ghost," the younger of the two men observed. He appeared to be around eighteen, and held out one hand to help me up. "Are you alright?"

 _No, and you're the result of those drugs in your hand._

"Yeah I'm fine," I lie, faking a smile before rising to my feet. "Now if you wouldn't mind giving me that bottle in your hand, I'll just be on my way, and you'll never have to see me again."

I reach for the container within his grasp, but he pulls it out of my reach, inspecting it closely. The older man beside him peers at it as well, curious as to what it may contain.

"And what is a young woman such as yourself doing inside the middle of the forest, wearing strange garb- without shoes, mind you- and carrying a peculiar bottle of small pebbles?" the young man's companion inquires of me. He is clean cut, with a goatee and flecks of gray in his hair- a type of man that would have been considerably handsome in his day.

His question, however, strikes me far harder than it should, and without warning, tears begin to prick at the corners of my eyes.

"Well isn't that the question of the day," I retort, shaking my head and blinking back tears. "I don't even know myself, honestly. I really just want to get home right now, and have everything go as I had intended it to."

I raise my gaze to make eye contact with the two men, only to see that their expressions have softened significantly. They share a knowing glance with each other, before a sympathetic smile tugs at the corner of the younger man's lips, and he places a hand on my shoulder.

"What is your name, young lady?" he requests, placing the bottle within my palm and folding my fingers around it.

"Mara Jacobsen," I manage to stutter out, struggling to contain my tears of uncertainty.

"Mara," the young man repeats, seeming to taste the word, before gesturing to the older man at his side. "Allow me to introduce Terdin, faithful steward and friend of mine for many years."

"Terdin," I incline my head to the older man. "And what do I call you, sir?" I inquire of the younger of the two.

"Me?" the man laughs. "You may call me Caspian the Tenth, King of Narnia. Though, for someone such as yourself, you may simply title me Caspian."

My eyes widen with alarm, and I hurriedly lower my head. "K-King?"

He chuckles. "You should not seem so surprised, little one. It is merely a title, not a weapon to frighten people."

I have no idea what to say, so I simply place my hands into my pockets, and try to keep my balance with a gimpy leg.

Terdin breaks the silence. "My lord, what are we to do with the human child? She cannot stay out here alone and unarmed."

"No, no she cannot," Caspian- _King_ Caspian replies, before focusing his attention back to me. "My lady, would you allow the two of us to escort you back to the castle? I believe I know how you came to be in this forest, though you may not, and it would be my pleasure to help you on your way."

I raise my eyes to meet his. "You know what this is all about?" _He doesn't even know what painkillers are. He's a figment of my imagination- I know it!_

A smile plays on the King's lips. "I have an assumption. Come, if we are to make it to Cair Paravel by nightfall, we must make haste!" He mounts his horse with one easy stride, and holds out his arm to me.

"I- I don't think that's really necessary," I murmur quietly, backing away from the large black stallion.

It is in that moment he notices my pigeon-toed right leg. "Ah, so you need some assistance mounting. It is no issue."

Before I can protest, I feel my feet leave the ground, and I feel something hard and warm between my legs.

The young King laughs from his place in front of me on the horse, and then we are flying through the forest, greens and blues and browns blurring all around us. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around the man in front of me, burying my face into his back to keep the wind out of my eyes. The horse's gallop is bumpy and uncomfortable, and a large part of me almost cries out in protest, but I manage to keep my mouth shut.

Without warning, I remember the lion's words echoing in my mind, and a wave of remembrance crashes over me, filling my eyes with tears yet again.

" _You have been saved from a most untimely death, Daughter of Eve."_

Suddenly the bottle of pills seems to have gained several pounds in my pocket, and I can feel every contour of its cylindrical shape against my leg. A part of me wishes to throw it to the side as we ride by- to be rid of the burden of my past. However, the stronger part of my mind encourages me to keep it with me, just in case this place really isn't a dream, and I truly am living here.

The idea is preposterous, but with each step the horse takes below me, the world becomes more and more believable.

 _Some dream this must be, then._

* * *

 **A/N: Okay so it takes place after _Prince Caspian_ , but before _Voyage of the Dawn Treader_ \- within that three-year gap. **

**Please review! I know I'm only doing this for my own pleasure, but I would still love to hear your opinions**

 **~D.D.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

" _There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."_

~ C.S. Lewis, _Collected Letters of C. S. Lewis_

Several hours passed in near silence, the only sound being the rush of wind in my ears and the thundering of horse's hooves. To my relief, Caspian and Terdin seemed to notice that this world was completely new to me, and I could only take so much in a short amount of time, and thus refrained from pestering me with questions. However, I could tell that it was clearly bothering both of them to keep their mouths shut, and this brought a slight sense of amusement to my mind.

As the sun began to dip lower into the horizon, I felt a grumbling sensation in the pit of my stomach, and realized that it had been nearly a full day since I had eaten last. Hoping the sound didn't reach Caspian's ears, I clutched my arms tighter about his waist, biting my lip hard in an attempt to distract my mind from the emptiness in my gut.

The man before me seemed to notice my slight change, and dipped his head back towards me. "We are approaching Cair Paravel as I speak. Do not be alarmed by the people intrigued by your appearance, for it has been some time since we have had a visitor from another world."

 _So this has all happened before?_

"You mean to tell me that I'm not the first person to teleport to this place?" I had to raise my typically quiet voice to be heard above the din of horse hooves.

"This place is the land of Narnia, in case I did not mention before," Caspian replied with a chuckle. "And no, you are not. Narnia has had several visitors from a land called earth in the past. My own ancestors hailed from Earth long ago." He paused. "That is the land you are from, yes?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm from earth," I smile slightly, trying to take in all this information at once. "Do you know how it all happened?"

"Aslan has a plan for each of us, and in some cases, the paths of people from your world lead them to Narnia," Caspian replied.

"And who's this Aslan character?"

Terdin and Caspian both seemed to bite down laughs. "You do not know?" Terdin queries, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

"If I did, why would I be asking you?" I retort, a twinge of shame pricking at my senses.

"He is a lion," Caspian explains. " _The_ Lion to be more specific. He created Narnia, and is Lord over every creature who lives here. He is immortal and the wisest of all beings in this world, and everything that happens here is according to his will."

Nausea begins to rise in my stomach, and I feel my breathing come in short gasps as I remember the lion whom I encountered in the forest several hours ago. "I… I think I saw him, now that you put it that way."

Caspian and Terdin pull their horses to a halt. "What did you say?" Caspian inquires, elation creeping into his voice.

"I think I saw the lion you were talking about while I was in the forest, before I saw both of you," I reply softly, before adding, "It was really confusing for me, and I don't feel like discussing it right now- not to be rude or anything."

"As you wish, my lady," Caspian responds, though I can still tell that he is quite curious.

"What exactly is this place, anyways?" I query in an attempt to make the conversation a good deal less awkward. "Who lives in this country and where?"

Terdin chuckles. "Many creatures live in Narnia, young Mara. We men hail from Telmar, a country in the southern parts of Narnia. Caspian here is the King of Narnia and the rightful King of Telmar, and he saved us from his wicked uncle Miraz not three months ago."

Caspian nods appreciatively before interceding. "As for the residents of Narnia, well, you shall meet them soon enough. There are talking animals of all kinds, dwarves, dryads, nymphs, fauns, centaurs, trees that can talk and move, and any and every beast known to the people of your world."

I feel my mouth fall open slightly at his description, before closing it hurriedly. "It sounds completely incredible! I didn't even know most of those creatures existed."

"Perhaps not in your world, but here in Narnia, they are thriving," Caspian laughs.

A pleasurable silence ensues between the three of us, the only sound coming from the wind in my ears and the clambering of horse's hooves beneath us. My brain begins to wander, as it tends to do when I am alone and at peace, and it occurs to me that I have no idea how to respond to such creatures that the men described to me when I make their acquaintance. The thought sends a jolt of dread through my body, but I hurriedly force it away, knowing that I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

Again, the bottle of pills comes to mind, and I stroke the place where it lies in my pocket, careful to keep it close to me. I know that if anything happens to me, or if I am unable to get home, I will have them on my person at all times, as more of a precaution than anything. I suppose I could allow myself a day or two in this strange new land, to see what everything is, before I will allow myself to think about overdosing again. The thought fills me with a soothing calmness, and I am almost able to feel secure in knowing that my life is still within my own hands. Here in this new land, they know nothing of modern drugs, and if they find my cold corpse in a bed, they will think that I became ill during the night. But one thing is for sure- I cannot create close relationships with anyone in this land. My time is limited and scarce, and the less I become involved, the better things will turn out in the end.

In front of me, King Caspian guides his horse with the skill of a seasoned warrior. He certainly does not appear to be a king- in fact, he doesn't look to be that much older than myself. However, he seems to radiate an aura of calm and control, and I have no doubt in my mind that his subjects are quite fond of him. Caspian is young, charming, and handsome, which can be both good and bad qualities in a man, but in his case, he seems genuine and kind.

As the foliage arounds us begins to become thinner, I am able to glimpse a shining castle appearing in the distance, seated high upon what looks to be a cliff face. Carved out of ivory stone, the tiles seem to glow in the late afternoon sun, creating a warm, welcoming sight. The turrets climb high into the sky, and several towers appear to be lading pads for impossibly large eagles, as well as other winged beasts which I have never seen in my life.

"My Lady Mara, I would like to have the honor of welcoming you to my humble abode, otherwise known as Cair Paravel," King Caspian turns to smile at my gaping expression as we approach a massive bronze gate. To each side, a maze of neatly trimmed hedges flanks a cobblestone pathway leading up to the colossal castle doors. Several men in crimson and gold garb stride up towards us, and I can see that welcoming smiles adorn each of their faces. They are all muscled and tanned, with swords strapped to their sides and bows and arrows upon their backs.

"Welcome, King Caspian and Captain Terdin," a young man with a well-trimmed goatee greets heartily. "Was your ride pleasurable?"

"Indeed it was, thank you Adrian," King Caspian replies, a smile adorning his features, before gesturing to me. "May I introduce Lady Mara, an acquaintance of mine. She will be staying with us for some time, and is my personal guest here at Cair Paravel."

"Greetings, my Lady," Adrian bows towards me, and takes one of my hands in his own before pressing it to his lips. "I hope that your stay here in the castle is to your liking."

Warmth creeps into my cheeks, and I feel my lips tug upwards into a sheepish smile. "Thank you, sir, but please just call me Mara. You are incredibly kind."

"My pleasure, Mara," Adrian replies, before turning his attention back to Caspian. "Would you allow me to tend to your horses, My Lord?"

"Yes, Adrian, thank you," the King nods, before sliding off of his steed in front of me. Terdin does likewise, and in that moment I attempt to dismount as well.

"Will you allow me to help you, My Lady?" King Caspian inquires, eying my gimpy leg with concern.

"No, no please don't," I shake my head. "I can do this myself, thanks."

With a deep sigh of determination, I do my best to imitate the men's movement, digging one foot into the stirrup for below me, and bringing my other leg over the rear end of the horse. Unfortunately, the leg in the stirrup just so happens to be my twisted leg, and before I know what is happening, I can see the ground rushing up to meet me before a crunching noise sounds as my bum collides with the gravel beneath me.

"Well that went well," I deadpan, shaking my head in humiliation. I can feel the sharp stones digging into the soft fabric covering my legs, and with shaking hands, I force myself to my feet, face bright red with humiliation.

"You should have allowed help, My Lady," King Caspian chides, placing a hand on my arm to steady me. "Are you alright?"

I don't meet his gaze as I dust dirt off my black yoga pants, and pick up my bottle of medication from where it fell on the ground. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

Though I cannot see his face, I know an expression of pity is painted across his features. "Please, allow me to help you into the castle, My Lady."

"Sure, yeah, do whatever you want," I shake my head in defeat, studying the ground beneath me.

In response, King Caspian offers me his right arm, and I reluctantly accept, his warmth radiating through his loose shirt onto my chilled forearm. It is in that moment that I feel the full weight of humiliation bear down on me, and my cheeks become even hotter as I grip Caspian's arm closer to me.

 _No matter where I am, or what I do, I always screw up one way or another. Gosh, I'm such a failure. Why does he even want to be seen near me? I just openly humiliated him and me, and I shouldn't even be here right now._

"I… I'm sorry about my clumsiness," I mutter to Caspian as we climb the steps leading to the doors of the castle.

"Do not apologize," Caspian replies, and I pucker my forehead as I finally force myself to meet his gaze above my own. "Your disability is not your fault, and you were only attempting to be strong and independent."

I don't know how to respond to his kind words, so I simply murmur a quiet, "Thank you for that, I guess."

"It is no problem," Caspian smiles, and I find my lips curling upwards in response.

"Now, My Lady, welcome to Cair Paravel," the King nods at a doorkeeper, who pushes open the carved wooden doors and allows us in.

Immediately, I gasp in astonishment when I catch a glimpse of the castle interior. Immaculately clean marble floors pave the great hall as we enter, and torches and braziers light the corridor. The walls are filled with colorful tapestries and paintings which stare down at us as we walk through. Richly dressed men and women of court walk by as we stride through the halls, and I do my best to ignore their curious glances at my frumpy attire. Just as well, animals and fauns nod their heads in greeting to their King, who smiles at them in response. Everything appears as though I have just stepped into a medieval movie, or one of my many fantasy books I pored over as a child.

"Is it not a breathtaking sight?" Caspian inquires, grinning down at me. "I have no idea what I did to deserve such a wonderful home, and it still seems surreal to me after all these months."

"It's beautiful," I murmur, meeting his gaze for a split second, and returning the smile to the best of my abilities.

Before he can reply, however, I am whisked off his arm by a young woman wearing an apron, who leads me down a series of corridors. Each is more curious than the last, and I have the sensation I am being pulled through a maze. The clack of marble flooring sounds from her rushed, heel-clad feet, and it is all I can do to will my gimpy leg and chubby body to keep pace with her.

"Where are we going?" I pant between footsteps, doing my best to hide the pain shooting up my right calf.

She doesn't turn to look at me. "To yer room, lassie. We can't have ye goin' 'bout the castle lookin' like that, now could we?" Her voice is thick with a distinct Irish accent, and I find myself grinning in response to her unfamiliar dialect.

"I've never been in a castle before, so I suppose I wouldn't know much about that," I reply, glancing about in hopes that I can commit the path to memory. "What is your name, by the way?"

It is then that she stops to glance back at me, and I can see that under her woolen cap, black corkscrew curls frame her round face. She doesn't appear to be younger than twenty-five, but her dirt-smeared face and exhausted eyes add age to her otherwise beautiful face.

"Josaelyn," the young woman grins. "I know ye are a friend of Caspian's; one from 'e world of the Kings and Queens of old, from the appearance of yer clothing. Though it is more similar to the King's garb, if ye ask me. What's yer name, lass?"

"Mara," the word comes out of my mouth automatically. "Just Mara, please. No formalities."

"Well then, Mara," Josaelyn grins as she pushes open a mahogany door at the end of a long hallway. "I'm hopin' you'll be enjoyin' yer stay here in Cair Paravel."

* * *

After two tedious hours of bathing and fussing with simple gowns, Josaelyn leaves me to my own devices inside my chambers, lighting candles on her way out and promising that dinner will be here shortly. The peace and quiet is welcoming and relaxing, and I allow myself to sink onto my soft, four post bed, taking in my surroundings and pondering the day's events.

My room is simple and quaint, with a large wardrobe, a bedside table, and several lamps lining the walls. To one side, a large window with a cushioned window-seat overlooks the impossibly starry sky outside of the castle, and to the other side, the door to my bathing chamber stands closed for the moment.

"This is all too much for me," the utterances escape my lips, meeting the empty air, and I shake my head in realization. "I'm not even supposed to be here. "I should be…." _Dead._ I can't bring my mouth to utter the single word. _I'm supposed to be dead._

 _What happened to me that I'm even here? What cruel trick did that Lion- Aslan- play on me? To keep me from my own death? Nothing good will ever come of my life- not in my world, and not in this one either. I'm useless and alone- good for absolutely nothing. What could he possibly expect me to do while I'm here?_

My thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door to my chamber, and I pull myself to a standing position before limping towards the entrance. The simple green dress Josaelyn made me wear creates a swishing noise as it glides along the cool, marble floor beneath me. When I make it to the door, however, I nearly leap backwards in surprise from the face before me.

"King Caspian!" I nearly squeak, tilting my head back to meet the eyes of my host. "What are you doing here?"

The King chuckles at my expression. "I was hoping to see how you were faring in this place that is quite unfamiliar to you. Will you allow me to come in for a moment?"

Instantly, I step to the side, allowing him to pass me into the chamber. Caspian has changed from his previous riding attire into a loose, creamy colored shirt and simple black pants. His chin-length dark brown hair has been washed and combed, and his face has been scrubbed clean.

"Is there something in particular you wanted to ask me?" I inquire, smoothing the folds on my dress as I sit down on the window seat, gesturing for him to do likewise.

Caspian takes a seat across from me and studies my freshly-washed features, an expression of curiosity painted across his face. "How are you faring since your arrival, Lady Mara?"

"Fine," I reply automatically, plastering a grin on my face.

"How are you truly faring, young one? I would not expect someone in your position to be simply 'fine', and I feel as though something is troubling you," Caspian replies, his dark eyes probing and still somehow kind.

 _Crap. He sees straight through me._

"Please, Your Highness, don't bother," a slight chuckle escapes into my voice. "There is no reason for you to concern yourself with the likes of me. In fact, with all due respect, I would rather not speak of my emotions with someone I barely know."

This takes Caspian aback slightly. "I apologize for being so forward with you," he murmurs in response to me words, and a mildly pained expression crosses his features. "I would like you to know, however, that I am here to help you adjust, and to be a friend to you if you are ever lonely."

"Thank you, sir," I allow myself a small smile. "It truly does mean a lot, and I apologize for pushing you away with so much force."

"Do not apologize at all," Caspian shakes his head. "I can see that you have been hurt, and you responded in the only way comfortable to you."

"Thank you so much, really, for everything that you have done," I respond, gesturing to the warmly decorated room around me.

"It is of no problem, young one."

A silence ensues between the two of us, neither one looking the other in the face. I search deep inside for words, but none make their way to the surface, so I just stand there, smiling awkwardly.

After several agonizing moments, Caspian breaks the silence. "I suppose I should leave you to receive food and rest for the evening," he smiles, making his way towards the door.

"Goodnight, Your Highness," I smile softly. "Sleep well."

"And same to you, Mara," Caspian nods, allowing his lips to remain within the smile. "Good night."

* * *

 **So sorry about the late update, the awkward place I ended this. School is super crazy and intense, but now that winter break, hopefully I'll have more time to write and update :).**

 **Please let me know what you thought of the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome, and I would love to hear your thoughts!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

" _If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth -only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair."_

~C. S. Lewis, _Mere Christianity_

I awake the following morning with a start, an unfamiliar golden light filtering through the large window to the left of me. Rubbing my eyes, I sit up in bed, studying my surroundings and forcing myself to remember the events of the previous day. A soft rustle invades my hearing, and I glance down to observe the silky white nightgown I had donned hurriedly last night, eager for sleep to draw my away from this strange new world. The gown was exquisitely embroidered- far too exquisite for my taste. Unfortunately, Josaelyn was adamant last night that I wear the gown instead of my ratty t-shirt and sweatpants, and she even went so far as to take them out of the room so I wouldn't change after she left. She was nice enough, and she meant well, but her Scottish accent and gregarious personality were more than enough to give me a headache.

Stretching, I pull myself out of the warm confines of my bed, and limp towards the bathing chamber to relieve myself and splash water onto my face. As I wipe my pale cheeks with a soft nearby towel, I allow myself to take in the reflection staring back at me through the ornately carved mirror mounted above the faucet pump. Immediately, I curl my lip in disgust. Though my thick brunette hair had been washed and combed last night, it now lays strewn across my head in a mop of frizzy waves. Dark circles lay under my brown eyes, in stark contrast to the pallid color of the rest of my skin.

 _I look like I just came out of the south end of a polar bear headed north._

With a shake of my head, I put myself to work, combing and wetting my hair as much as possible to relieve its atrocious state. A good half hour later, I have managed to tame my kinks into soft waves, which hang past my shoulders in uneven ringlets. After attempting to brush my teeth with whatever foreign dental tools they use here in Narnia, I leave the lavatory and make my way to the carved wooden table within my room, on which Josaelyn so graciously provided me with a pretty crimson gown last night. I struggle for several minutes to fit the bodice over my portly figure, trying to remember how exactly my childhood medieval Halloween costume fastened. Nevertheless, I eventually figure out the mechanics of the dress, and fasten it to the best of my abilities.

As if on cue, a knock at my door sounds, and I shuffle to answer it, doing my best to not trip over the long dress which I have recently claimed victory over. Regaining my balance, I swing the door open to reveal Caspian standing before me yet again.

"Good morning, Mara!" the young king flashes a brilliant grin, and I can't help but blush in response. Caspian is clad in a dark burgundy shirt under a gold trimmed vest, which I subconsciously notice brings out the deep warmth of his smiling brown eyes. "Would you care to accompany me to breakfast?"

"Oh, I, um…" I ponder his words momentarily as he offers out his arm for me to take. "I am pretty hungry, actually." The words slip out of my mouth of their own accord, and I gingerly slip my forearm through his, shutting the door behind me as I exit.

"How did you sleep last night?" Caspian queries, and I do my best to ignore the stares as people pass us within the hall.

"Fine, I suppose," I respond automatically. "I mean, I'm a heavy sleeper, so I was fine." A chuckle escapes my lips as I try to escape the awkwardness of my words.

"I see," the taller man nods slowly. "After breakfast, would you like a tour of the castle grounds, my lady?"

"A tour?" I raise one eyebrow, considering the offer. "Well seeing as I don't have anything better to do, sure!" Almost instantly, I bite my lip, realizing how rude my words sound to a man who has never been accustomed to sarcasm.

His forehead puckers in confusion momentarily, but before I can apologize for my words, we round a corner to face a massive marble staircase, and I groan internally. However, managing to keep my outburst to myself, I force myself to limp up the steps, careful to not make my struggle exceedingly obvious.

"Allow me to assist you," Caspian gently holds onto my forearm to steady me, and I have no choice but to allow him. Though I wish I could climb the steps hurriedly with no difficulty, it is true that I desperately need support. Swallowing hard, I lean into the young king, and he gently guides my steps until we have reached the top in no time. As I step onto the solid landing step, I realize that I have been holding my breath the entire ascent, and in that moment I exhale slowly to attempt to calm my racing heart.

"Thank you, Your Highness," I do my best to smile up at him, despite my wounded pride.

"Again, please call me Caspian," he chides gently, steering me through a pair of double doors to the right.

As soon as we enter the chamber, I cannot help but gasp in awe of the enormous banquet room exquisitely decorated before us. The high, vaulted ceiling is painted a shade of deep crimson, with gold leaf designs painted into the scarlet backdrop. My gaze shifts to the nearly invisible bay windows on the far side of the room, burgundy curtains pulled back to reveal a spectacular view of the crystal clear, sapphire ocean- entirely untouched by the sullied hands of mankind.

A single mahogany table is set for two in the center of the room, complete with steaming silver platters, and my stomach growls as the scent of warm food reaches my nostrils. I can make out the distinct aromas of eggs, sausages and toast, mixed with an array of other foods entirely foreign to me. Considering that my alcoholic step-dad back at home often barely had the money to provide me with a box of pop tarts every morning, I realize in that moment that I hadn't received a real, hot, home cooked breakfast since before my mother died almost five years ago. The thought fills me with a pang of sadness as I consider the array of cuisines before my eyes

 _If only mom could be here with me to enjoy all of it._

However, my mind is soon distracted as I lay eyes on quite possibly the strangest man I have ever seen in my life walking towards Caspian and I. He is bare chested, with a mop of curly auburn hair and bright blue eyes- almost normal from the midriff upward, save for his elfish pointed ears. But from his waist down, the man's hips, rear, and bent legs are covered in thick dark brown fur, neatly brushed and washed. As if to complete the look, in the place of feet, the man has shiny, black, cloven hooves.

I can't stop myself from gaping at the strange creature standing before me, and moments later, my ancient Greek mythology history lessons click in my brain.

"You- you're a satyr!" I breathe in astonishment, continuing to stare at the now uncomfortable hairy man.

"Actually, I'm commonly known as a faun," he replies sheepishly, a thick cockney accent coating his softly spoken words. "Good morning, Your Highness."

The faun bows low to King Caspian, who returns the gesture with a polite nod. "Good morning, Roland," he smiles warmly. "Please, allow me to introduce my guest, Lady Mara of Earth."

Roland's eyes widen, and he bows to me. "It is a pleasure to meet you, my lady! We have not received a visitor from earth in some time now."

"It's nice to meet you, too," I do my best to attempt a curtsy, only to throw myself off balance, wobbling slightly. Caspian holds onto my forearm firmly to steady my shaking body, and I smile up at him appreciatively.

"Thank you for helping to prepare this meal for us," the young King acknowledges Roland's handiwork as he gently leads me towards the table. Pulling out one of the exquisitely carved wooden chairs, he gestures for me to sit, and I comply obediently.

"It is of no trouble whatsoever," Roland smiles, and I can tell that he's doing his best to not stare at my foreign appearance. "Would you care for some tea?"

"I would love some," Caspian replies, taking a seat and pouring each of us a glass of water from the crystal pitcher laid out on the table.

"And you, lady Mara?" Roland queries.

I take a moment to consider his offer. "Actually, if it's not too much to ask, I'd like a cup of coffee. If that's alright, of course."

Both Caspian and Roland stare at me, confusion filling their faces, and I immediately regret my inquiry.

"Pardon me?" the faun asks, his forehead puckering with bewilderment.

"I'll take some tea," I squeak out nervously, plastering a smile across my face. "Thank you!"

Roland nods politely before taking off down the hall, and as he exits, I notice his curly head shaking back and forth with puzzlement.

"Did I say something wrong?" the question slips out before I can stop myself, and I turn to Caspian, who has eagerly removed the lid to the platter set before him. Steam momentarily billows into his face, before he shakes his head slowly.

"The drink you mentioned- coffee? It is an unknown substance here in Narnia. No one has even heard of such a thing," he explains, before taking a bite of his food.

I repeat the action, and feel a humid wave of steam rise onto my cheeks, accompanied by an aroma so strong, my stomach growls yet again. In front of me is a platter of warm golden eggs beside two plump, sizzling sausages, freshly toasted bread, and a small cup of berry jam. Thankfully, it is all food with which I am familiar, and I immediately dig in.

"Never heard of coffee?" I muse after swallowing a few bites of egg. "It's one of the most common beverages where I come from. Pretty much everyone drinks it every day with their breakfast. It helps to keep people alert during the day when they have a hard time sleeping at night." _A bit like me, to be honest._

"Interesting," Caspian nods slowly, apparently intrigued by my description. "What does it taste like?"

"Many people think it's quite bitter when they start to drink it," I chuckle, remembering the first time I tried a sip of my mom's coffee when I was seven. "But the more you drink it, the better it begins to taste, and if you drink it regularly enough, you form an addiction to it, so that your body begins to feel as though you need it for sustenance."

At this, Caspian stares across the table at me, an expression of incredulity crossing his features. "That is quite a curious drink indeed."

"Yes, I suppose it is," I murmur, moments before Roland enters yet again, this time bearing two mugs of steaming brown liquid. With a polite nod, the faun leaves Caspian and I to our conversation yet again, which I embarrassingly notice has become rather dry thanks to me.

The young king, however, seems to think otherwise. "May I ask you a question out of random, my lady?"

Despite the innocence of his curiosity, I involuntarily prepare myself for the worst, knowing that past conversations which have begun with those words never end well.

"Absolutely," I force myself to smile in response, feigning ignorance.

"I noticed along your forearms yesterday that your skin bore many scars from a blade," Caspian observes with obvious obliviousness. "Did you receive them in a battle of some sort?"

Despite preparing myself for whatever words may have come my way, the question takes me off guard, and I bite my trembling lip with uncertainty. "No, not exactly," I murmur, avoiding the king's warm brown eyes. "It's a bit more complicated than that."

This only seems to add to Caspian's curiosity. "Did someone… harm you intentionally?"

 _Is there any good that will come of me lying to him? He did all this for me- he at least deserves an honest answer._

"I did," I murmur, so softly that I doubt Caspian can even hear me. As I mouth the words, memories of my life back on earth flood back into my mind- images of me sitting at the foot of my bed, too numb to even be able to cry as I drag the blades across my skin, marking myself with crimson. Tears begin to spring into my eyes, and I bite my lip as a single salty droplet slides down my cheek.

After a moment of staring at my now empty plate, I force my vision upwards to meet the gaze of the king before me, and immediately wish I hadn't. His eyebrows are furrowed together, and his expression is a mixture of sorrow, disbelief, and horror which sends a deeper pang of melancholy through my gut.

 _"Why?"_

Caspian's single word cuts deep into me, and I choose my next statement incredibly carefully.

"I thought that it was the only way I could cope with the things I was going through in a way that wouldn't affect the world around me," I admit after a moment of hesitation.

"You believed that physical pain was the only option to bring you sanity in a time of struggle?" Caspian inquires quietly, and his accuracy takes me aback.

"Yeah, exactly like that, actually," I reply, astonished that he was able to understand something which felt so complex to my mind.

With one swift motion, the young king rises from his seat and strides towards me, before kneeling down beside my chair to take my hand inside of his. The close proximity startles me momentarily, as does the physical touch, but I don't push him away from me. If anything, it almost feels nice to be allowed such a simple, yet heartfelt gesture, and I find myself smiling through the tears slowly making their way down my cheeks.

"Mara, I can promise you that while you are in this land, I will do anything and everything in my power to help you to heal from your dark past," Caspian studies my face, and his eyes meet mine in a sad, yet hopeful gaze.

"Your Highness, I can't ask you to do something like that for me," I shake my head slowly, not allowing myself to believe the words which had come from this young king kneeling before me.

"I am offering my assistance and support to you freely, my lady," he replies. "I feel as though Aslan has brought you into this place so that you may heal and accept freedom and redemption from the demons of your past. And, if you will allow me, I wish to help you on this new quest of discovery."

Not knowing how else to reply, I wrap my arms around Caspian's neck, and I realize in that moment that this is the first time which I have initiated any sort of embrace to another person since Jessica passed away. For a moment, the young man is startled and confused by my sudden change in mood, before returning the hug warmly.

"Thank you, Your Highness."

* * *

 **I'm incredibly sorry for the length of time it took to write and post this chapter. My attention has been elsewhere for some time now, but I was finally able to type out this chapter, and I'm glad I did! I have outlined this entire fanfiction, though, so that makes it easier because I know where I'm going and what I'm doing with it!**

 **Also, I have created a tumblr blog for this fanfiction, as well as my other two main fanfictions- _Torn Apart_ and _A Fellowship of Friends_. If you'd like to check it out, it is called _rachieroofanfic_ , and includes gifs, concept pictures, and music which I have compiled for inspiration for each of my stories. Feel free to check it out! The link is in my profile.**

 **Thank you for all the kind reviews, follows, and favorites of this story! It warms my heart to hear from you all, and to see that you are all enjoying it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

" _Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."_

~ C.S. Lewis, _The Four Loves_

* * *

After we finish up our rather emotional breakfast, Caspian leads me out of the dining hall, and gives a tour of the extravagant castle which he calls home. Each floor is paved with marble, creating a light, airy atmosphere which lifts my dim spirits.

King Caspian explains as we stride from room to room that the palace had been built at the beginning of Narnia's creation for the prophecy of the four kings and queens who would come from another land to free the world from the icy forces of evil. They were only children, siblings in fact, named Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy Pevensie. When they had succeeded, they ruled for many years, and the time would come to be known as the Golden Age of Narnia. However, all good things must come to an end, and the four brothers and sisters left without warning.

Following their departure, Narnia was overtaken by Caspian's ancestors, the Telmarines, who were descended from pirates of earth. During their conquest, the native creatures of Narnia- fauns, dwarves, nymphs, talking animals, and so forth- were suppressed by the humans. The beasts were believed to be unnatural and after a thousand years, became little more than myths. In this dark time, Cair Paravel grew into disrepair and nearly crumbled completely to the ground. Narnians lost all hope which once came from the tales of the kings and queens of old.

Fortunately, Aslan heard the cry of his creatures, and brought back the four children from their world, who then aided Caspian, the rightful heir to the throne of Telmar, to regain his rule from his tyrannical uncle Miraz. With the armies of the enemy defeated, Cair Paravel was restored by the hands of those who loved it most, and seemingly miraculously was finished within little less than a year's time since Caspian's coronation.

By the time the young king finishes relating his tale, I have been led through a series of corridors and rooms, fascinated by the passion and affection which Caspian used to tell the story of how he became king at such a young age. Leading me outside, we sit together on a stone bench within the castle gardens, overlooking the crystal clear ocean. Suddenly, as I ponder his words, my heart begins to reach out to the youthful man beside me, and I feel slightly ashamed of myself. If he is only a few years older than I, and went through all those terrible trials and tribulations in his years, what right do I have to believe that my previous life was so terrible? A pang of remorse and guilt strikes me in the chest, and as I glance up at his face, I see a deep, heartfelt pain within his typically pleasant brown irises.

"I… I am so sorry you had to go through all of that at such a young age," I voice my concern quietly, watching as the sea breeze tousled his thick, dark curls.

"Do not be sorry whatsoever," Caspian replies, meeting my gaze with a sad smile. "We each have been forced to face our own individual demons in different ways, and have each made it out alive. I believe there is always hope that things will become better, in any dire situation."

 _I didn't exactly make it out alive. Not in the conventional sense of the word, at least._

"I suppose you are right, in one sense," I whisper, digging my fingers into the hard stone beneath me. "Each person has to face their own demons individually. Alone."

"Not alone," Caspian corrects, turning to meet my gaze. "Never alone. Even when I had to lead battles and fight a war, I was not alone. I had Aslan, my dear friends, and…" he pauses suddenly, and his tone becomes soft, barely more than a whisper. "And I had Susan."

I do not need to inquire of his relationship with said queen to understand that something far beyond friendship existed between Caspian and Susan. His dark eyes become sad and unsure, and he stares downwards, studying his hands clenched into the stone bench, inches from my own. Clenching his jaw, it is obvious that he is trying to hold himself together in front of me, even though his love for this young woman caused him immense heartache and pain.

"What was she like?" I inquire slowly, trying my hardest to avoid opening an old wound, though my curiosity has gotten the better of me. Something inside of me doesn't even expect him to reply, and when he does after a moment of contemplation, I am mildly surprised.

"She was known to Narnia as Queen Susan, the Gentle," he muses, keeping his gaze fixed upon the crashing waves upon the ocean. "And she loved up to the title. She was extraordinarily intelligent, kind, brave, selfless, and strong. Susan had this sort of beauty that hung about her, that made you want to be near her, and listen to every word she said. She was a fantastic warrior, and carried a bow better than I thought possible."

A twinge of jealousy affects me momentarily, although I have no idea what it has sprung from. Obviously, this young woman was incredibly in mind, body, and spirit to capture the attention of Caspian- far better than anything I could ever dream of being. There is no chance in the universe I could compete with her, and that should normally be something I would be used to. But for some reason, the jealousy still pecks at the back of my mind, yet I do not allow it to bother me too much.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened to her?" I query, eager to understand why it is me sitting beside him now and not her.

Caspian hesitates for a moment. "She was brought back to her world, never to return to Narnia. It seems that Aslan taught her the lesson which she needed to learn, and thus she had to be released back into her own life and time, away from Narnia."

 _Away from Caspian._

The words linger in my mind, unspoken by either of us, and I feel another wave of pity for the young man seated at my side. His forehead is puckered, jaw clenched, and I can see that it is clearly bringing him pain to recall the memory of the girl whom he loved. Before I can stop myself, I place a hand on his, albeit awkwardly. Just as I am about to pull away, Caspian turns to face me yet again, and this time his eyes are filled with a mixture of sadness and gratitude. It is in that moment that I realize how close the proximity between us has become, and my cheeks begin to burn red. The heat on my face is not from the blazing sun, however.

I swallow hard before pulling away, straightening out the folds of my crimson dress and avoiding his deep brown eyes.

Caspian seems to realize the same thing simultaneously, and turns away from me as well, clearing his throat quietly. "Would you care to visit the Library with me?"

His question catches me off guard, and when I meet his gaze a second time, I can see that the vulnerability and sadness which covered his features moments ago have diminished, masked by a warm smile which reaches all but his eyes.

"I would love to," I reply, plastering a grin across my face. As he helps me to my feet and takes my arm to lead me away, however, I see a flash of pain cross his features yet again, only for a second, and my heart goes out to him again.

 _Oh, Caspian, how deep does your pain and uncertainty go?_

* * *

 **Sorry for the shortness of this chapter! I was in a hurry to post something, and figured that would be a good place to stop! Please let me know what you think in a review or PM!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the late update! I have had a ton going on in my life, and have been absorbed with other fanfics from other fandoms. But this chapter was especially comforting for me to write, and through developing the chapter, I felt as though these were not my words, but God's (Aslan's) words coming out of my hands. This took a completely different turn then where I expected it to go, but through writing it, I was able to be touched and reminded of God's grace and mercy in my life- something I unfortunately had lost sight of until I wrote this. I pray that this story will touch you in the way it has touched me!**

* * *

 **Chapter Five**

" _Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."_

― C.S. Lewis, _Mere Christianity_

* * *

We spend the remainder of the day within the massive library, reading, and Caspian recounting comical tales of his youth. His companionship brings joy to my darkened heart, and I am able to smile and laugh in response to his tales, but there is still a large part of me which is filled with a deep melancholy. Careful to disguise my internal sadness, I listen intently for the rest of the day, keeping my thoughts to myself.

That night, I venture to ask to dine alone in my quarters. Though I enjoyed my time with the young king, I have found that the emotions of the day have been too much for me to handle. Therefore, I know that I need time to process what has transpired between the two of us. Caspian is hesitant at first to leave me to my own devices, but he eventually agrees, and allows me consent to rest in solitude.

After I finish my quiet meal of stew, bread, and fruit, I notice that the exterior of the castle has been darkened due to the setting of the sun. Brilliant stars twinkle in the sky, starkly contrasted against an inky backdrop. Because of the intense smog and light pollution on earth, I have never truly been able to glimpse so many brilliant lights in the sky. Although I have always known of their existence due to astronomy class, I had never really taken the time to examine the beauty of the stars until now. But now, staring at the multitude of beams, a sense of insignificance creeps over me as I realize how truly small I am in this great universe.

My presence in this land has had little effect on my state of mind in the past two days, and I can't help but wonder if I was truly brought here for a purpose. Aslan told me that I had been recalled to life, with a new dedication and mission here, but so far nothing has made itself apparent. Caspian is busy rebuilding a shattered kingdom, but he doesn't seem to need any assistance there; he is a young, charming man who has his life under control. None of my expertise can help him as far as I know. Likewise, I have no experience with magical creatures or great feats of power or wisdom. I'm simply a lonely, disabled girl. What help could I be to anyone?

Glancing down at my hands, I trace the parallel scars along my arms, a haunting reminder of the life I was wrenched form. What had even happened to my body there? Had I been transported to this place physically? Or was this just my mind placed in an identical body, while my own corpse lay comatose in my home? How much time has passed since I attempted suicide?

 _What would happen to me there if I died in Narnia?_

The question pulses in my mind, repeating itself over and over again as I glance towards my bedside table. Rising to my feet, I limp towards the wooden cabinet, and pull open the top drawer to reveal the item which I have so carefully hidden from the naked eye. My bottle of painkillers sits there, half full, and desperately inviting. Words ring in my head, voices echoing the same phrases which have haunted me for years, growing stronger by the second as I pick up the plastic container.

 _You are alone. You are worthless. You don't deserve to be alive. All you do is take up space in the universe, Mara. Your life has no meaning or purpose. There is not a single person in this world who could ever truly care for you, and those who did before are long gone, waiting for you to join them in blissful peace._

Tears blur my vision as I begin to tremble, studying the bottle within my shaking hands. If I were to extinguish my life tonight, and succeed, what would Caspian's reaction be? He would probably come knocking on the door tomorrow morning, expecting to take me on another tour, or tell me some more stories about Narnia. However, there would be no response from me and he would open the door, only to discover my cold corpse completely still and peaceful and dead. After my rushed burial somewhere in the forest, he would forget about me entirely within a week, at the most. For after all, I was absolutely nothing to him. I was not Queen Susan, who had captivated his heart with her incredibly beauty, strength and intelligence. I was merely Mara, an annoying young girl who cried too much and had absolutely nothing in my life to offer him beyond an occasional listening ear.

 _"You have not truly given this place a chance, little one."_

A familiar, deep voice sounds from behind me, and I nearly jump out of my skin. Whirling around, I catch my reflection in the large mirror within my room, stumbling backwards onto the soft bedspread. A golden light flickers within the glass, and I watch with an incredulous gaze as it slowly begins to morph into the shape of a recognizable lion. He stares deep into my eyes through the image, sitting beside my reflection on the bed, although no physical form is actually at my side. A mixture of wonder and confusion assaults my mind, and the bottle of pills involuntarily fall from my grasp as I gape at the great beast.

"A-Aslan!" I breathe, unable to tear my stare away from his ancient, majestic amber eyes. "Wha… how is this possible? How can you be here? Why are you here?"

He gazes at me with a disappointed regard, and I feel a knot form in the pit of my stomach as he speaks reproachfully. "You are losing faith in my plan, little one. With every passing moment that you isolate yourself, you fall deeper and deeper into your former ways of darkness and despair. Do you truly believe that I brought you to this place without a hope and a purpose for your life?"

"I… I don't know," tears begin to flow down my cheeks as I process his words. As usual, he is absolutely right about me, and I can't help but accept the truth as it is spoken to me aloud. Before I can stop myself, the words begin to flow freely from my mouth. "I feel like there is too much baggage from my past, too many burdens which I must carry into this world. No one here could ever truly understand where I have been, and what I have done to myself and to others. I have to carry the weight of my mistakes upon my shoulders, no matter what I do and where I go. I can never be accepted- not in my world, and not in this one. I can never be safe from myself."

Aslan contemplates my words for a moment, before replying carefully and gently. "My child, you will never be alone. Although you may not see it, every single being whom you encounter faces their own individual mistakes and shortcomings every single day. It is not by your own strength which you can make it through this life, and you cannot find true happiness until you surrender yourself to the plan which I have created specifically for you. Mara, you are a beautifully created being, and your life is unique from anyone who has ever lived- past, present, and future. You are worth so much more than you can possibly imagine. Would you really want to forfeit something so spectacular and individual as your own existence when it has barely begun?"

I did not realize how desperately I needed to hear his assurances until this instant. My body begins to tremble as it is racked with a flood of emotions. Sobs burst from my mouth as relief, sadness, understanding, and grief overtake me, triggering the solid walls I have built around around my heart to crack open and release a flood of tears. My face falls into my hands as I weep bitterly, the coldness inside of me melting slightly. Though doubts still plague me, I feel a twinge of gratitude for the Great Lion, for putting into words exactly the truth and comfort which I have searched for all this time.

"What do I do?" I choke out, raising my eyes to meet his when I am finally able to speak.

Aslan smiles sympathetically. "You take your life day by day, living it to the fullest, and trusting that I have a greater plan for you. Reach out to those around you, seeking out anyone who is suffering through similar trials. And remember that you are never alone."

A warm, pleasant breeze escapes his maw, filled with a sweet scent which sends a peaceful sensation through my limbs. Slowly, my lips curl upwards in a small smile as I watch his image fade from the mirror, until I can only see my disgruntled reflection. As his soothing breath washes over me, I begin to feel drowsiness overtake my body, and I stumble backwards onto my elbows.

With heavy eyelids and a comforted heart, I allow myself to drift off to sleep, with the first glimmer of hope I have experienced in my life.


End file.
